Offbeat

Plus, Minus, And A New Word

A set of neologisms, formed from dictionary words, by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and therefore, supplied a new definition.

Banalyst. A hack, an analyst whose writing is banal, boring, and brackish, or one who believes that he or she is a celebrated columnist.

Cashtration. The act of buying a house, which renders the buyer financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Intaxicaton. Euphoria at getting a tax refund that lasts until one realizes that it was their money to begin with.

Reintarnation. Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone. The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy. Any misrepresentation about oneself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti. Vandalism, spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm. The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte. To take coffee intravenously when one is running late.

Osteopornosis. A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon. It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon. The grueling event of getting through the day by consuming only things healthy to eat.

Glibido. All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect. The tendency of stupid thoughts to seem smarter when they’re coming at one rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit. The frantic dance performed just after one has accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug. Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into the bedroom at 3 a.m., and can’t be thrown out.

Caterpallor. The color one turns after finding half a worm in the fruit they’re eating.

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